I was thinking that I really took time off this break…I didn’t do ‘anything’ but enjoy family.
I was relaxed.
Then a friend called to get together on Friday because it was time ‘to get back to work’. As we were talking, I started rambling about the desire to try out some of the on-line plan books (another post), how I cleaned my classroom and reorganized it (came out great..student designed)…enjoyed Christmas and then got knocked out (literally) by the flu on Saturday for 4 days.
I was surprized.
When I hung up, I realized I worked a lot on my class over the week I was healthy, but not as much as I’d like. Still…I have time.
I started to get worried…about the writing assessment…about some of my students’ reading…I need to….
STOP...I started thinking about my own children. My oldest is in college now and has been home to visit, my middle is in high school with a need for independence but guidance (she wouldn’t agree I’m sure), and my youngest is in the grade I teach at a different school – an absolute joy and still enjoys being around me! We need to do his science fair project by MONDAY! Ugh.
I started teaching to be with them..to be a better mom and stay connected. I had launched satellites (doesn’t really fit the time-table for having children, especially when a launch slips). I was going to major in computers… but the school counselor said if I really ‘wanted to be a mom’, I should consider teaching.
Teaching and family has always been a good fit…until coming back to America. ugh..
I find that with all the confidence of the post before (as far as the state assessments), I have a lot of tension between family and school. I work A LOT and think A LOT about how to improve my teaching and learning so my students will be a success. Yet…what time is that leaving me to make sure my family is equally successful. I worry about behaviours and my students esteem. Yet…I haven’t really focused on my own children’s esteem enough.
I began to feel sad….
I’m not one to dwell in pity long. I had purchased the Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self
a while back and cracked it open in response to my worry. You are going to hear about this journey, my reflections and rambling, because EVERYTHING in the introduction and WHY Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote that book hits home.
Some people hmm and haw about New Year’s resolutions. I have always enjoyed them. Not as opportunities for failure… but as opportunities to hope and dream. I have become so focused on my classroom and student learning data that I have lost sight of my students’ hopes and dreams, my family’s, as well as my own.
The ability to truly believe in, love, and consider others have always been my super powers. My mom once said that ability to ‘see the best in others’ is what she regretted most in me. She felt it would not help me in the world.
She is probably right. But in my heart, that brings me joy and contentment. However, it does bring its own struggles. I can care too much and sometimes that makes me do too much.
Moments like these remind me that simple isn’t always stupid. In fact, too much ‘stuff’ can lead to little gains. This year I am going to focus on bringing back the joy in learning through simpler moments, and bring balance into my life by living simple. I intend to do ‘less’ better so I can have more moments of joy with my own family, friends, and pupils.
I hope you had a wonderful holiday and look as forward to 2013 as me!